I fight to be found

I have realized lately how much women's struggle... with their roles in life, with balance, with time. I used to wonder why it was so hard... just choose career or just choose to be home. Just make up your mind, ladies. I wondered why women felt so torn?

That was long ago that I didn't understand. But it all makes sense to me now. I've struggled SO much lately. And it's so easy as a mom to put everything first before yourself. For example, I skip buying foundation for my skin because I know the children's feet are constantly growing at an alarming rate. They need new shoes again?!

They've been given to me & I need to take care of them. Others, others, others, others. And somehow if I spend my day moreso living for myself, I feel like crap.

More than half my life, I was educated and formed in the public school system. I had nothing against the system, but what I think it prepared me for?... the workforce. So after college when I became a full time mom & had what I call an open-format life... I struggled with identity & felt completely UNprepared!

I still feel like that. I have a job & although my job is technically only 15 hours. I feel like I am constantly working. (that's because I am constantly working!) Some weeks don't go as planned & my hours are a little here & a little there. But of course I'm not only balancing work, I'm balancing home, & kids, hubby, ... and then finally my priorities which long to be art & goals & pushing forward, but rarely do they come to that. I've so been meaning to catch up on my scrap booking.

I'm thankful- extremely thankful- to have a flexible job where I can be a mom & work from home when I need to. It's great. But bringing my goals, wants, desires to the surface to number one priority is very difficult... when there are so many things to balance. SO many needs above my own.

Anyways, I'm writing to say... I work hard to fight the urge. I know it's an easy temptation for a lot of women to put everyone else first & get lost for a few decades in their family life (I completely understand the mom overweight constantly wearing sweats who clearly hasn't gotten her hair done in years). I adore my family, I want to see them loved, provided for & seeing adventures of their own. But... I'm pretty sure I ought to be the same too. My hubby allows it, I just need to allow it for myself.

Becky, feel free to dream, to prioritize, to fight to be found.