My Health Journey

I'm a healthy 29 year old mom & wife. Or am I?

For the past 6 years, I've been on a journey trying to figure out what IS  going on with my body. Started out with sporadic tingling in different places throughout my body turned into tingling mostly in my hands and feet and numbness in my feet. I've basically had all the symptoms of MS (fatigue, numbness, bladder and bowel dysfunction, weakness, sexual dysfunction, chronic aching pain, mild cognitive and memory difficulties), but none of the proof. I've had 5-6 MRIs in the last years, a spinal tap, evoked potential, and other tests and for the most part everything looks good. 


We know my body is telling me something is off, so we are continuing down the journey. Hopefully soon i will find out the results of the Evoked Potential test. 


All the while, I've gotten real familiar with fear. And while my symptoms don't have a name, they do scare me. Often it comes out to Matt when I tell him he needs to keep life going when I'm gone. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but just scared at what's going on! ... and sometimes I think not having the benefit of knowing what I'm dealing with is scarier-- because without a name, there is no natural action to it. 


But I've been trying to take action into my own hands and in the mean time, I am working on just healthy living. We've never been terrible eaters but on the other hand being health nuts is far from our personality. So it's hard for us to leap into some of the more radical health ideas. But how stupid is that?? Obviously incorporating something healthy into your life could only HELP your health & future... whereas staying the same will only keep you the same or make things worse down the road. 


Some things we are trying:

• More fruits- weekly trips to the farmers market is keeping fruits and veggies accessible
• Green Smoothies- starting each day with some power-packed fruits and veggies is giving me great energy & getting my digestion in a happy place
• Lots of water!!!!
• No Corn Syrup- choosing products minus the corn syrup... like Hunt's Ketchup
• Choosing products with simple ingredients & ingredients we can understand
• MOVING our bodies-- I bike 2-3 times a week to pick the girls up from school, Matt is biking (7 miles) to work 2x a week
• Choosing household products with less chemicals- 7th Generation, Greenworks, etc. 

We have a lot more progress to make as a family, but these are simple things we are doing to make a difference is our health. 

Appear on a Gameshow... ?

About a month ago, I traveled down to L.A. for an MRI. My friend Jeny came with me for a day of fun... the MRI was just a good excuse to go to L.A. We were going to try out for a gameshow. I scheduled it on a day that the "Price is Right" was recording. What did I do? I didn't plan or organize... so at the last minute the tickets were no longer available. We could've shown up at the door to try to get tickets, but the taping would've taken 4 hours. So it was deciding what was more valuable at the moment... trying to get on national tv or spending the day exploring with my friend. We explored. It was a great day.

I had another opportunity to audition for a gameshow just this week. Things weren't really coming together. Then Matt expressed interest. It worked out for he and his friend Mike to audition. I decided that they were more charismatic than I and had a better chance. So they auditioned and will hear back in a few weeks. Turns out, though, if they are on, I will have my chance to be on a gameshow. We'll see!!

I guess part of this journey that's neat for me is seeing what's really truly important to me. You think there are certain things that you want out of life, but when it comes down to it there are other things you value more... like quality time with a friend on the journey or sacrificing for your loved one.

I love dissonance and recovering from the tension of the notes to discover the chord that fits.

$20 to My Name

I have a thousand ideas on how to spend $20. Help me decide how to spend it:

Food Dehydrator (to help fresh fruits & veggies last longer)
Bread Pan (new hobby?!)
Itunes (explore new music)
Starbucks (resources for mommyhood)
Dark Chocolate & Chai (more resources)
Scrapbook Supplies (favorite hobby, local store is going out of business, 70% off)
Photobook (purchase flat Zoe book, create another)
Order another Project Life (digital scrapbooking)
Save for a new digital camera
Easter Pro Pics (I love photos)

i want something that will give as much extended enjoyment as possible. Thoughts?

#30- Learned how to shoot a gun... and turns out I'm actually quite good at it!!

Back in early October, Matt took me on a flippin' cool date- shooting!! I'd shot pop cans when I was a kid with my dad, but had never fired a gun as a adult.

On our way, I was pretty excited, but also FREAKED OUT OF MY MIND!! I kept quiet the whole time there, during training AND during shooting in any attempt to simply keep my cool.

On my very first shot, I hit dead center in the target. Seriously.

So that felt good.

And made me consider a career change. Who knows!

We got to fire everything from handguns, shot guns to fully automatic weapons. Boys would know better how rare that is. Below are our shells... and below that is an awesome photo. I'm shooting the fully automatic weapon with shells flying with my tough boots on. Awesome.

Trading Up & An Edit

I created a new goal today, "Trading Up" #33. The fun thing about this one is that it's already in process.

The idea behind trading up is that you take an item of small value and slowly (or quickly, we'll see) trade it up to items of greater and greater value. I'm going to trade up until I get a minivan or ipad or a pet monkey. It's going to be an adventure. A totally doable adventure as a mom of a young kids thanks to 700+ facebook friends and craigslist. Let the adventure begin!

And a bit of an edit to one of my goals-- #22. It did read "Become an expert martial artist." I have to say, that really has never been my desire (more of Matt's). But I do want to be trained in self defense. So it's not as bold of a goal, but I would like to pursue it. In order to do that, I have to overcome some emotional struggles with learning self defense. Drills make me cry. They are intimidating to me. But not as intimidating as getting attacked in real life. I need to face it without feeling emotionally attacked as well.

Bless you all & happy new year!

Conquer Fear

Do you stop & question why you do the things you do? I do. Maybe it's because parenting is a constant adjustment process for me. Maybe... I just have too much time on my hands. Maybe it's normal. I don't know. But I wonder why I do the things I do. Here's what I know-- When I became a mom, my life & heart changed. I knew that I always had to be the best stewards of them, some of my greatest gifts. So I've stuck by that & honored that to the best of my ability.

However, I know that sometimes I hide behind motherhood. I use it as a convenient excuse to not step out, not to take leaps, not to trust.

I also hide behind my inability... or what I perceive to be my inability.

But in reality, what stops me is not my life circumstance or my inability... it's fear. And mostly when I think of my fear it's two kinds of fear. Fear of failure and fear of rejection.

I've had a desire to be a musician for more 15 years. I can play guitar, piano, and I can sing. I write poetry and stories. I am more than capable. Yes my life circumstance does not always lend itself to a quiet mind or time to do my best, but it does allow me to do it. I can include them in the writing, in the process. I can work on it before they wake or during rest.

I do not need to let fear stop me any longer. Fear is a thorn in my side, always trippin me up. I am more than capable... I may not be good, but I need to give it a fair shot. FEAR shall not be mine.

I shall be know for my ability to trust... my refusal to listen to my comfortant, my inner voice... but to honor God by being who He made me to be-- a woman after Him, unafraid.

29 Years Old

Who I am @ 29:

1. I"m a child of God, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend
2. My short hair is a constant reminder to me of my freedom from unforgiveness
3. I think I'm hilarious, but usually after several cups of coffee
4. I recently decided to create two mommy resource baskets for myself in the house. One filled with dark chocolate, espresso beans & tea; the other filled with books, candles and bath salts. You need to be equipped!
5. I love talk radio & Dateline. There's something relaxing about hearing other people's drama but not being part in it. 
6. People-watching is so interesting. It cracks me up to get only a glimpse into people's lives. Evesdropping is interesting too. 
7. I just recently started playing scrabble with strangers via Facebook
8. I've been way into cooking ahead via freezer cooking & having dry meals on hand. It's been a huge help!
9. I try hard to live a life of wisdom and force myself to do stuff I'm not naturally good at-- like right now I'm busting my butt trying to learn a better system for running finances. I'd also like to run 5 miles. May not sound like a lot, but I hate running. 
10. Sometimes I still try to have lazy days. And if somehow I manage to accomplish one, it just doesn't feel right .What feels right is having a productive day. Sick, right? 
11. I hate superficial relationships. I also hate small talk. That makes getting to deep relationships a lot of work for me. 
12. The last few Christmases, I've been making homemade personal gifts. I really think that a practical, thought-through gift is more fun than something frivolous. This year I plan to produce my own homemade tea. 
13. I love my Rota-dent toothbrush.  
14. I have been trying to write music for over a decade. I want to make an album. By trying i mean I have a strong desire, but I have made no progress because I am scared out of my mind to fail. I need to write music to conquer this fear!!
15. My husband works at a Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) style radio station. I don't like that style of music.... in general. But I think I am one of the few who can listen to their husbands at work.
16. I often get caught up in keeping a record of wrongs, so I have to remind myself that love keeps no record... I'm learning to love... really, learning to live. 
17. I've made it my mission to never manipulate or be passive aggressive and to always check my motives. In the same vein, I try hard to always be honest and clear in my communication. Why did I make this oath? It's hard! 
18. I like creating just to try stuff sometimes. It's probably unrealistic that it will turn out any sort of beautiful, but I like the process. Basically... it's about process not presentation. 
19. When I was pregnant with Sophia and overdue by 9 days, I ate pizza in the bath... Extreme Supreme from Pizza Hut (haha)
20. I enjoy making clocks out of old records. I've sold a few... but my favorites no one else seems to like. Odd. But i'm glad I still have 'em. 
21. I'm reflective and sentimental. I also have a hard time letting go of seasonal friends.
22. I hired a recording artist to write and record a song for Matt's 30th. I also tortured him with a countdown calendar.Not sure who had more fun. 
23. Beck, Pelly, Fun-haired Becky... are my nicknames
24. Matt calls me The Recognizer. I guess that could be my rapper name. Really, I'm just good at remembering when I've seen an actor & where we saw them.
25. For some reason, I wait until I'm really busy and then decide to rearrange the living room... so that's awesome.
26. I decided never to be ashamed of my age. I may be 29 now, but I won't be 29 forever. Next year, 30 & proud. 
27. I'm thinking about becoming a certified midwife or doula. I love new life & the miracles therein!
28. Last year I was 28.
29. Cilantro.