Basically, what it comes down to is 11 years to accomplish all these goals!! Seems like a long time, but I could see never getting to any of them. Life so requires intentionality.
Right now, intentionality means being present in the season. The season of life I'm in right now is motherhood. Not that this season will ever technically leave me, but I am just saying that I want to be wholly present in what these babes are doing, learning and be there to hold their hand & adjust the process where need be. I don't want to live a completely different program awhile they're growing up. This motherhood thing-- they're growing years-- is my thing right now. And I don't mind.
That said, I find it increasingly hard to focus on myself. In some ways, I think that's beautiful. I'm glad i'm learning to be less selfish. And it's not that I don't get any time. Matt is real good about making sure I have time to myself often. Part of it is that there are multiple priorities to juggle, even when I do have my mind to myself.
But I don't want to give up. Basically at this point I need to do approximately 4 each year. So with this birthday comiing up, #29, I want to look at my goals and see what I can attack this year. For the memories, for something to strive for, for the adventure.
So stay tuned for that.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
I bought a skateboard
What am I doing? I'm almost 29 years old. This is silly for me to buy a skateboard... I'm not even coordinated!
But I did.
So, now what?
Maybe I should do something with it other than let my daughters send their toys back and forth around the house. Maybe I should actually attempt to ride the thing.
*I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...*
But I did.
So, now what?
Maybe I should do something with it other than let my daughters send their toys back and forth around the house. Maybe I should actually attempt to ride the thing.
*I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...*
Floored.
Life... doesn't look the same.
Yesterday, I went to a funeral of a homeless man. He attended our church once about a month ago. Some talked to him, but he was in and out. Last week, he was found dead in the canal.
At his funeral, we learned he had a wife and four daughters. He had been living life, seemingly happy until he lost a job (the place he worked shut down) and after his job search continued to come up dry, he became a depressed alcoholic... and then a depressed homeless alcoholic.
I don't know the whole story, but the funeral so touched me. Several of his daughters shared memories of their dad. Their message was one of acceptance. They knew their dad loved them-- despite his addiction. What a wonderful thing they could take from his life!
I was so touched by the generocity by people within my church. How good they were at loving people who are in unique life circumstances. It made me feel so small and inadequate and how many obstacles seem to pop up in my heart that slow me from loving others unconditionally. Sometimes I feel like the amount I have to learn is overwhelming!
This is a good reminder of how sweet our life is & how I never ever want to take it for granted. It always makes me want to never give up-- because giving up on myself means the world misses out. I don't say that to say self-righteous, but to say that every life is important and every life matters. The world shouldn't have to miss out on these wonderful packed full of potential lives!!
I'm sad for the way this man's life came to an end... and am in wonder by the small blip I saw of his life. I pray that God will use this situation to further grow me, help me to never take anything for granted and to always know my life matters... and in that, NEVER GIVE UP!
Yesterday, I went to a funeral of a homeless man. He attended our church once about a month ago. Some talked to him, but he was in and out. Last week, he was found dead in the canal.
At his funeral, we learned he had a wife and four daughters. He had been living life, seemingly happy until he lost a job (the place he worked shut down) and after his job search continued to come up dry, he became a depressed alcoholic... and then a depressed homeless alcoholic.
I don't know the whole story, but the funeral so touched me. Several of his daughters shared memories of their dad. Their message was one of acceptance. They knew their dad loved them-- despite his addiction. What a wonderful thing they could take from his life!
I was so touched by the generocity by people within my church. How good they were at loving people who are in unique life circumstances. It made me feel so small and inadequate and how many obstacles seem to pop up in my heart that slow me from loving others unconditionally. Sometimes I feel like the amount I have to learn is overwhelming!
This is a good reminder of how sweet our life is & how I never ever want to take it for granted. It always makes me want to never give up-- because giving up on myself means the world misses out. I don't say that to say self-righteous, but to say that every life is important and every life matters. The world shouldn't have to miss out on these wonderful packed full of potential lives!!
I'm sad for the way this man's life came to an end... and am in wonder by the small blip I saw of his life. I pray that God will use this situation to further grow me, help me to never take anything for granted and to always know my life matters... and in that, NEVER GIVE UP!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Picking a few goals for the summer
4. Pay off car! (one more month) -- First, unless somehow the payment arrived on the wrong day, this should be PAID!! Whoo hoo. This seems silly on a list of 40 things until I'm 40, because how small of a deal is paying off your car? But how wonderful it is to pay off a debt! (Real wonderful!) So still waiting on the official document, but we're PAID OFF!!
3. Appear on a game show-- Okay this one would be seriously fun to attack this summer. Plus everyone knows that game shows are air conditioned and I'll need that in the CA heat!
6. Learn smalltalk -- OH MAN!! I've been miserable at this for long enough. I have some tools, now it's time to practice. Who will be my first victim... errr...
The next two I'm going to recruit someone to teach me while I'm in ND this summer. I wonder who has a stickshift to teach me... I'm going to see if my step dad will take me out wake boarding. ... ok... there's my list!
10. Learn stickshift
16. Learn to wakeboard
3. Appear on a game show-- Okay this one would be seriously fun to attack this summer. Plus everyone knows that game shows are air conditioned and I'll need that in the CA heat!
6. Learn smalltalk -- OH MAN!! I've been miserable at this for long enough. I have some tools, now it's time to practice. Who will be my first victim... errr...
The next two I'm going to recruit someone to teach me while I'm in ND this summer. I wonder who has a stickshift to teach me... I'm going to see if my step dad will take me out wake boarding. ... ok... there's my list!
10. Learn stickshift
16. Learn to wakeboard
Your Time Is Now
WOW!! This is beautiful & right on!
It is SO important to face each day with courage... to look for beauty in each place & space... no matter where you're at in life.
YES-- be a good steward of your life! What you do, who you are MATTERS!!
Monday, April 12, 2010
I need partners!!
Are you in the know of about any of my goals below? well then, HOOK ME UP! I need resources, teachers, wealthy billionaire benefactors, etc.! No seriously, look them over. Have you done any of these things?... well tell me your story! Come on now, don't withhold these treasure nuggets! Time is speeding at an exponential rate, I need to be deliberate, intentional... doing life on-purpose. Join me, help me. I'm already grateful.
1. Buy a motorcycle
2. Make a day both surfing & snowboarding
3. Appear on a game show
4. Pay off car! (one more month)
5. Know American history
6. Learn smalltalk
7. Learn to ride a unicycle
8. Swim at the edge of Victoria Falls
9. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
10. Learn stickshift
11. Get something published (done)
12. Learn to love without bias
13. Finish my music album
14. Live on the road for a year traveling America
15. Backpack Chicago Basin, Durango, CO
16. Learn to wakeboard
17. Fly in a hot air balloon
18. Pay off student loans & become debt-free!
19. Act justly
20. Go with Matt to Hawaii
21. Swim with dolphins
22. Become an expert martial artists
23. Become a doula or nurse midwife
24. Have a son
25. Visit my sister Jenn in NYC
26. Get a detailed & well-researched family tree
27. Be on the Today Show
28. Run 5 miles
29. Be an extra in a movie or star in a commercial
30. Learn how to shoot a gun
31. Learn to skateboard
32. Get licensed to marry
& 8 more I haven't yet come up with
1. Buy a motorcycle
2. Make a day both surfing & snowboarding
3. Appear on a game show
4. Pay off car! (one more month)
5. Know American history
6. Learn smalltalk
7. Learn to ride a unicycle
8. Swim at the edge of Victoria Falls
9. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
10. Learn stickshift
11. Get something published (done)
12. Learn to love without bias
13. Finish my music album
14. Live on the road for a year traveling America
15. Backpack Chicago Basin, Durango, CO
16. Learn to wakeboard
17. Fly in a hot air balloon
18. Pay off student loans & become debt-free!
19. Act justly
20. Go with Matt to Hawaii
21. Swim with dolphins
22. Become an expert martial artists
23. Become a doula or nurse midwife
24. Have a son
25. Visit my sister Jenn in NYC
26. Get a detailed & well-researched family tree
27. Be on the Today Show
28. Run 5 miles
29. Be an extra in a movie or star in a commercial
30. Learn how to shoot a gun
31. Learn to skateboard
32. Get licensed to marry
& 8 more I haven't yet come up with
I fight to be found
I have realized lately how much women's struggle... with their roles in life, with balance, with time. I used to wonder why it was so hard... just choose career or just choose to be home. Just make up your mind, ladies. I wondered why women felt so torn?
That was long ago that I didn't understand. But it all makes sense to me now. I've struggled SO much lately. And it's so easy as a mom to put everything first before yourself. For example, I skip buying foundation for my skin because I know the children's feet are constantly growing at an alarming rate. They need new shoes again?!
They've been given to me & I need to take care of them. Others, others, others, others. And somehow if I spend my day moreso living for myself, I feel like crap.
More than half my life, I was educated and formed in the public school system. I had nothing against the system, but what I think it prepared me for?... the workforce. So after college when I became a full time mom & had what I call an open-format life... I struggled with identity & felt completely UNprepared!
I still feel like that. I have a job & although my job is technically only 15 hours. I feel like I am constantly working. (that's because I am constantly working!) Some weeks don't go as planned & my hours are a little here & a little there. But of course I'm not only balancing work, I'm balancing home, & kids, hubby, ... and then finally my priorities which long to be art & goals & pushing forward, but rarely do they come to that. I've so been meaning to catch up on my scrap booking.
I'm thankful- extremely thankful- to have a flexible job where I can be a mom & work from home when I need to. It's great. But bringing my goals, wants, desires to the surface to number one priority is very difficult... when there are so many things to balance. SO many needs above my own.
Anyways, I'm writing to say... I work hard to fight the urge. I know it's an easy temptation for a lot of women to put everyone else first & get lost for a few decades in their family life (I completely understand the mom overweight constantly wearing sweats who clearly hasn't gotten her hair done in years). I adore my family, I want to see them loved, provided for & seeing adventures of their own. But... I'm pretty sure I ought to be the same too. My hubby allows it, I just need to allow it for myself.
Becky, feel free to dream, to prioritize, to fight to be found.
That was long ago that I didn't understand. But it all makes sense to me now. I've struggled SO much lately. And it's so easy as a mom to put everything first before yourself. For example, I skip buying foundation for my skin because I know the children's feet are constantly growing at an alarming rate. They need new shoes again?!
They've been given to me & I need to take care of them. Others, others, others, others. And somehow if I spend my day moreso living for myself, I feel like crap.
More than half my life, I was educated and formed in the public school system. I had nothing against the system, but what I think it prepared me for?... the workforce. So after college when I became a full time mom & had what I call an open-format life... I struggled with identity & felt completely UNprepared!
I still feel like that. I have a job & although my job is technically only 15 hours. I feel like I am constantly working. (that's because I am constantly working!) Some weeks don't go as planned & my hours are a little here & a little there. But of course I'm not only balancing work, I'm balancing home, & kids, hubby, ... and then finally my priorities which long to be art & goals & pushing forward, but rarely do they come to that. I've so been meaning to catch up on my scrap booking.
I'm thankful- extremely thankful- to have a flexible job where I can be a mom & work from home when I need to. It's great. But bringing my goals, wants, desires to the surface to number one priority is very difficult... when there are so many things to balance. SO many needs above my own.
Anyways, I'm writing to say... I work hard to fight the urge. I know it's an easy temptation for a lot of women to put everyone else first & get lost for a few decades in their family life (I completely understand the mom overweight constantly wearing sweats who clearly hasn't gotten her hair done in years). I adore my family, I want to see them loved, provided for & seeing adventures of their own. But... I'm pretty sure I ought to be the same too. My hubby allows it, I just need to allow it for myself.
Becky, feel free to dream, to prioritize, to fight to be found.
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